ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
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