you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
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