I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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