my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
This baby is an asshole
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
