im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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