Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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