The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
