i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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