The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
