The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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