its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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