Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
