The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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