Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
