this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
