some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
3 2 1 whiskey
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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