Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
