I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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