he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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