I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
