Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize