found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
We are all done wearing pants today
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
