i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
