The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
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