So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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