we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
