i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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