Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize