dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Randomize
