Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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