forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
