Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
