I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
