It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
