You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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