it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
