A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Im part way to drunk.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
