So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
