i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
