If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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