I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Drunk is a universal language darling
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
