so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
