Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Randomize