make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
