Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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