brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
