do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
