worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
