She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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