erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
