like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
