bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I want a musical about memes.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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