LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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