dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
