Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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