Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
