I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
