I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
