Joe is yelling at the trees again.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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