i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
