we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
