absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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