i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
