i just google imaged poop.
if only i could text you this smell
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
