i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
