He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
