to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
