Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
