Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
