Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
