im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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