I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
