I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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