I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
