Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
