The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
