How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
