Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
