Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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