OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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