Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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