we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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