Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
