we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
