I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
