I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
