Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
