so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize