All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
