Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
