found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
