I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
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