Please don't use social media to get back at me.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
