Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
The police scanner is talking about you again....
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
