so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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