Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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