He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
