she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
She even gives head with a lisp.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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