We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
These tits shall not be calmed
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
