Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
