Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
