my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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