I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
This toilet bowl is my home.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
