I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
