better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
