I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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