Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
