Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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