I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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