How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
