someone owes me an orgasm
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
