why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
