I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
